it's official.. I waddle

not like a duck, more like an unbalanced penguin...my shoe collection now consists of three pairs of flats, my 3 and 4 inch heels blowing me kisses from the corner of the closet where they are gathering dust...
my Uppababy stroller arrives and I know without a doubt that it's significantly nicer than my first car. when did being preggo get so chic?
I am amazed and appalled by how my body has completely taken over my willpower to do..
anything useful.
wake up..work. eat. go home..eat. plop on couch..eat something else..watch the yoga video..key word watch..collapse in bed with my new boyfriend..aka the snoozer pillow..obsess over everything not done..wonder if there are two or three Eggo waffles left..get perfectly comfortable..only to have to pee...collapse again..sleep for what feels like a minute..bathroom break..fall deeply asleep..wake up..just because
I don't exercise, although i dream of it..sometimes..
and my waist expands the weeks decrease...i spend precious time marveling at the flat stomach that once was..
reaffirming that in it's place is one healthy happy little fella.

third trimester = body is not your own..

My hair grows faster than I can wax it, and yes it’s true Matilda..you cease to be able to see your “parts” without the help of a very good mirror. I am sleepy, moody, weepy and excited. All within the span of five minutes. I plan my unborn son’s wedding, yet avoid setting up his nursery because it acknowledges I really am going to be a mother ..again.
I come to the conclusion that I am indeed the only pregnant woman not exercising. My body formerly known as fit will remain a part of history, along with my prom pictures. I tell myself to listen to my body, and it screams rest and Eggo waffles.
I buy flats for the first time and remember that laughing too hard causes leakage..of the pee kind…I know..gross. Ultrasound cufflinks are hot, and I measure my nose and my feet for unwelcome growth.
I notice that my baby loves the sound of drums and the piano and prefers me sleeping on my left side. I thank him for sparing me the stretch marks and swollen legs. When not crying, I am pretty damn happy.
I count my weeks gone by and to go obsessively, read over checklists and hate celebrity moms just because.

I jumped into the world of

expandable jeans - and to my surprise..I loved it! While shopping with my daughter for dresses for her graduation weekend last night, I decided with great reluctance to peek in Gap Maternity and check out the jeans, officially tired of trying to pack my belly and butt in my regular people jeans.. With a variety of beautiful shirts to choose from..I grabbed two pairs of jeans and took off for the fitting room, positive that while I might find comfort, I wouldn't find happiness the way I had with my True Religons..

HOW WRONG I WAS!

with the belly like girdle waist around my tummy, and the boot leg cut, I for three seconds felt..

FASHIONABLE!

I believe I actually squealed in the dressing room..
Four tops and one pair of expanda waist jeans later..( on sale no less)
I departed a happy camper..excited about showing off my belly and my baby blue jeans..
proves don't knock it till ya try it..

baby kicks the 24 week version

the proof of life that the jumps, punches and kicks bring never grow old to me....they can bring me out of the worst mood or anything that has me feeling less than wonderful...and I tell him so...when I find myself focusing on how big my butt has gotten I think that I made a decision to think not of my self first for nine months and I need to honor that..

I want to bury my face in his neck and kiss him till he giggles, I want to see what his eyes look like looking back at me, and what it will feel like to hold him as he falls asleep in my arms..
I wonder what it will be like to love two children when I so passionately love my daughter already, but being one of three, I know that the love is increased not diminished,..

I want him to see the world with light in his eyes and passion in his soul, and a strength that can only come from being loved fiercely and unconditionally..I want him to know how he is changing his dad daily before he has even laid eyes on him..

My house is still quiet..and I pray that my life inspires him. the way his already does for me.

nightmares, registries and exercise guilt

My butt is going to be as big as my belly soon..which is a first for me, since I have always had a pancake butt..but I guess eating waffles everyday doesn't help my cause...I am doing well to exercise three times a week..and by exercise I mean halfway through my yoga video, walking about 15 minutes and a few weight exercises here and there...other than that..i feel totally ok counting laundry, grocery shopping, and cleaning my house as exercise...
I wake up like clockwork before I would like..which somehow tells me that our baby is going to be an early riser..and his patterns, seem to coincide with that as well..his stuff is overtaking our apartment and we haven't even put the crib together yet..I dream in houses specifically one on the beach with a nice breeze..but that housebuying dream is on hold indefintely for now...and I am ok with that too.. I figure less to clean and no need for a baby monitor because I can hear him throughout the apartment!
Nightmares - GO AWAY! can i please have my pleasant dreams back and not these action packed Misson Impossible while preggo ones???
Baby registries...oye! I see everything and want everything but have to keep it realistic I suppose right? right..haha
I want to see my little guys face sososos bad..16 weeks to go and while it seems like a lifetime, I try to remind myself that out of the course of a lifetime, 10 months is a drop in the bucket..so enjoy being able to take him everywhere without sharing him, a stroller or a diaper bag..it's just me and him..

dad is gonna be the best dad...

while we are not together, we talk daily about everything and anything about our boy, both of us laughing about his developing personality that seems to completely take after his dad, I laugh at how he can't distinguish anything on the ultrasounds while I am convinced I have his features down to a tee...dad's chin and nose, my eyes, ..
we laugh about the lack of sleep approaching, laugh about whether or not he will pass out in the delivery room..
and I am reminded that in all things God has a perfect plan, and that us being friends for so long has turned out to be more important than anything else...he trusts me to be the mothe of his child and I trust him to be the dad..
of course we both wanted marriage before a child, but for whatever reason..that is not the path for us..
still.., I am peaceful and blessed and happy to have this boy of ours and the dad in my life!

that was the sound of my underwear tearing..

yep..the super sexy La Perla pair that I paid way too much money for..in my prior life( aka not preggers) they were loose, hung on my hips.granted I should of taken note when shift back and forth to get them on, but I needed to believe on Tuesday that they still fit...

then there is the fur like patch on my right shoulder that appeared out of nowwhere..
my nails that i can't trim enough my hair that grows faster than i can keep up with..
and my endless obsession with all things ranch ..dressing that is..

my son's schedule is interesting...currently...5:45 am, 9:30 ish, repeating every three hours..then for a wide awake, both feet and hands drum session..at 10 pm to 10:50 EVERY single night..
I guess that's his encore..:)